1
THE STARTING
BLOCKS
Know the saying: ‘Keep your friends
close and your enemies closer’?
That works with difficult feelings,
too. “The first step is to show up,”
says David. “Acknowledge and
accept your emotions by saying, ‘I’m
willing to have and experience these
feelings.’ Just sitting with thoughts
can feel powerful, especially if you’re
used to bottling up emotions or
replacing your negative thoughts
with a positive affirmation.”
Although they might not make
you feel good, David says critical,
doubtful or fearful thoughts help us
survive as a species. “Your mind is
doing the job it was designed to do:
anticipating and solving problems.
But notice when negative thought
processes are becoming a problem,
or you’ve become ‘hooked’ on a
particular statement. ‘Broken-record
syndrome’ – a phrase repeated too
much – may make you take it as
fact rather than an emotion.”
Breaking the cycle of being
directed by emotions is key, explains
Santos. “Take the person who’s
scared of job interviews because
they feel they’ll say something stupid.
They avoid putting themselves up
for things, letting the emotion build
and get worse. Instead, ask yourself
‘What’s the worst and best that
could happen?’ Considering possible
outcomes can make you realise your
fears aren’t evidence-based.”2
CHANGE YOUR
USUAL TRACK
According to emotional resilience
expert Julian Hall, it’s this low self-
confidence that’s often the reasonFEEL
STRESS
FREE
Developed by top
psychiatrists and
psychologists,
this app uses
proven therapy
techniques,
interactive
games and
exercises to get
results. Free,
iTunes and
Google Play.ANXIETY
RELIEVER
A mix of calming
audio sessions,
supportive
messages and a
tracker function
to help you
identify patterns
and when your
anxiety peaks.
Free, iTunes and
Google Play.THOUGHT
DIARY
PRO
A bit too ‘in
your own head’?
Write down
any troubling
thoughts, along
with their time,
significance and
consequences,
to help pinpoint
any patterns or
triggers. $7.99,
iTunes.many women get stuck in a negative
thought trap. That’s where a fresh
perspective can help.
“We use a technique called
‘drilling down’ to help people
recognise their true feelings,” he
says. “We get them to write down
what’s made them feel angry or
sad – it might be some criticism at
work, or a remark made by a friend
or partner. We draw a downward
arrow from that statement asking,
‘What did that really mean to me?’
until we get to the cause, which is
often ‘I’m useless’ or ‘I’m worthless’.
Recognising these thoughts can
help you understand why they
trigger such an emotional reaction.”
Giving emotions their correct
name is important too, as it affects
how you respond to them. “There’s
a difference between saying, ‘I’m
stressed’ but meaning ‘I’m angryApps to
help you
break
negative
thought
loopsDIGITA L
AGILIT Y“YOU’RE NOT VERY
GOOD AT YOUR
JOB.” “WHY DID YOU
EAT THAT SECOND
BROW NIE?” “YOU’RE
SUCH A CR AP FRIEND.”
Nope, not the comments of
an internet troll, but thoughts
that may have popped into
your head in the past 24
hours. You’re not alone –
60 per cent of women have
negative thoughts about
themselves on a weekly
basis, according to a recent
survey by AOL and Today.
So, when we find ourselves
in a downwards spiral, how
do we banish these kinds
of thoughts? According to
Dr Susan David, Harvard
psychologist and author of
Emotional Agility, that’s our
first mistake. She argues so-
called ‘negative’ thoughts
are natural and, providing
we have flexibility to respond
correctly, can actually be
beneficial to our happiness.
Meanwhile, Dr Rita Santos
is a cognitive behaviour
therapist who specialises
in anxiety. She often has
to remind patients anxiety
isn’t something ‘bad’ that
can be ‘cured’ or replaced
with happy thoughts.
“Anxiety, anger and fear are
just as valid as happiness
and excitement,” says
Santos. “They’re all part
of being human. So don’t
self-punish and tell yourself,
‘I should be dealing with
this better’. Try to use it to
work out what’s important
to you.” But that’s easier
said than done, right?
Here’s how to overcome
emotional obstacles...ąćƫ