‘IT ALLOWS ME TO
LEAVE BEHIND WHO
I AM AND ACCESS
THIS HIDDEN FACET
OF MYSELF’
vulnerable and powerless –
all of the things I am not in
my everyday life.
But I need to be in a long
term relationship to be able to
trust someone wholeheartedly
with my body and my safety.
The core principle of BDSM
is sex that’s consensual, so as
a submissive, you communicate
to a dominant what you want
them to do to you in advance.
To me there’s nothing more
empowering than, as a woman,
letting your partner know what
you need them to do in order
to experience intense pleasure.
As a feminist, I believe I have
the right to choose what I want
in my sex life – and my choice
is to be submissive.’What the
experts say
‘Wanting to be dominated
does not mean you are weak
or lesser; it means that you
understand your boundaries
and your wants,’ explains
sexologist Chantelle Otten.
‘Being a feminist and beingsubmissive has received back
lash, but the female submissive
who participates in BDSM
consensually is empowered.’
She says an authoritative
woman’s desire to be treated
as a submissive in a sexual
context often comes down to
two reasons, one being that
a woman may find power in
asking a partner to fulfil her
sexual wishes.
‘How empowering to know
that you can be in a situation
that you can control, that is
consensual, to have the ability
to give in to your fantasies.
You can be as naughty as you
want without being shamed.
Female submission does not
mean oppression,’ says Otten.‘Being a confident, secure
and sexual woman is being a
woman who is in touch with
her sexuality, feels uninhibited
to express it and feels confident
to express her desires and
needs and to ask for what she
likes and wants,’ adds sex
therapist Desiree Spierings.
Otten believes the second
reason women are attracted
to submission is their desire to
relinquish control to someone
they trust so that they can take
a break from their daytoday.
‘Handing over charge once
in a while is a form of self
respect – not having to analyse
and make decisions, but just
enjoying the ride,’ she says. ‘For
many women who are used to
running the world and work
places and home, they like to
just hand the responsibility to
someone else. It can be a form
of selfcare – knowing to let go
and be looked after.’ #GET OFF ON
GETTING
TIED DOWN?
MORE POWER
TO YOU!*NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED. WORDS BY DANICA BAKER. GETTY IMAGES
sex & relationships