Nasreen Hashambhoy is a Counsellor, Life Coach and a Facilitator of training
programmes for schools and corporates. Through a combination of coaching,
counselling and facilitation techniques based on cognitive science and
positive psychology, she helps clients achieve their true potential. She is the
author of the series Values In Action published by Better Yourself Books.minute break in between. In those 25-minutes give all
your attention to learning and reward yourself at the
end of the session by spending time on a hobby, for
example, sketching between two study sessions. If you
do this, your hobbies will become your friends instead of
distracting you from what you truly need to do.
I REFUSE TO TAKE “NO” FOR AN
ANSWERI am in love with a girl who is in her mid-teens. For two
years I have been following her and have twice declared
my love for her. But she says she does not love me, nor
does she even want to be my friend. I refuse to take “no”
for an answer and insist that she will eventually say
“yes”. I cannot concentrate on my studies and my results
have started deteriorating. I love her and cannot live
without her.
Vinay (18)Dear Vinay,
You feel very intensely about this girl to the extent that
you seem to be obsessed with her and are losing control
over yourself. I do empathize with the tormented feelings
that you have.
I am not sure what you mean by ‘following her’, but if
it involves tracking her in person or on social media, it
amounts to stalking and it is a punishable offence.
Your words ‘refuse’ to take ‘no’ and ‘insist’ that she
will say ‘yes’ shows that you want her to respond to
you in the way that you want. This girl, like you, is an
individual with her own thoughts, feelings, wishes and
desires. You cannot force her to feel what she does not, or
get her to reciprocate simply because your pride is hurt
because she has said ‘No’. A ‘No’ does not mean ‘Yes’ in
the long run. A ‘No’ means ‘No’. She is not interested.
You don’t seem to really respect her wishes, and that
in itself shows that it is not love. If you do have even
the smallest feeling for this girl, you will respect this
boundary and wish her happiness.
A relationship is a loving, mutual bond between two
people. True love is about respecting another, about
wanting the other person’s happiness above your own,
about being selfless and not expecting anything in return.
Tough, but true.So, if you want a great relationship with a lady, make
yourself attractive by being mature, selfless, giving and
kind. You will then attract someone who resonates with
you.I FEEL SHY AND NERVOUS
I feel shy and nervous to walk through when boys are
standing in a group on the way. As I am overweight, I feel
shy to participate in any function in school. I hate going
out, especially alone, because whatever outfit I wear never
suits me. This is why I feel awkward to communicate with
others. I always have the feeling that people will make
fun of me because I am obese.Dipti (14)Dear Dipti,I can see that you feel very embarrassed and extremely
conscious that you are overweight and hold yourself
back from doing many things that you enjoy.It would be good to visit a doctor to find the cause for
your excess weight. If there is no medical cause, you can
seek guidance about a diet and exercise routine from the
doctor or a nutritionist.It is important to love and accept yourself if you
want others to love and accept you. So, highlight the
positive aspects of both your personality and your body.
For example, you may have wonderful eyes, and with
a little kajal you can highlight their beauty. Work on
developing a kind and friendly attitude. Wear a smile
and greet others.Develop your sense of style. Ask a trusted friend to
help you choose outfits and accessories that suit you.
Today, Plus Sizes have their own flattering fashion
styles! Build your confidence and your shyness will
disappear slowly. Remember, only you can bring out
the best in you!email your proBlems to [email protected] with suBJect line ‘dear youth counsellor’