Psychologies UK 04.2020

56 PSYCHOLOGIES MAGAZINE APRIL 2020

On the domestic front, are you fi nding a discrepancy between

who does what and when in terms of household jobs? Laura Alfred

coaches a reader who is clashing with her partner over housework

Coach yourself

to a better home life

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ASK THE EXPERT...

Laura Alfred is a Barefoot coach who specialises in ‘fl exing

the mind into a positive place’. Here, she helps a woman fi nd

a way to deal with disagreements over household chores

The ‘Psychologies’-

endorsed ‘Find

a Coach’ directory,

with Barefoot

Coaching, provides readers with

a choice of top coaches, all

with postgraduate training

accredited by the University of

Chester and the International

Coach Federation. Find a coach

who suits you to help you navigate

and transform your life – in the

areas of money, work, relationships,

parenting, health and leadership.

Editor-in-Chief

AWe all have fi lters on our view of the

world. Taking a step back to notice

the other person’s fi lters will get

you closer to understanding their

motivations and fi nding a resolution

with which you are both happy.

● Be curious about his point of view.

Pick a relaxed time to start the

conversation. Acknowledge his passion

for being tidy and ask what makes that

meaningful for him; perhaps there is

more to it than meets the eye.

● Leave judgment behind. Create a safe

environment for him to share. Try not to

disagree with him as he is speaking; just

let it fl ow. Count slowly to 10 before

answering to avoid a knee-jerk response.

● Create a clear action plan. Agree

when you can both commit to tidying

up and what tasks you’ll do by when,

so you aren’t interrupted while you’re

working. Communicate early if either of

you needs to make changes. Make sure

they are achievable goals in a realistic

time frame, so you are set up for success.

Agree to revisit the conversation in a few

weeks to celebrate what is working.

Email Laura at thinkfl [email protected]

Q My relationship is great in every way, except one sticking point: housework.

We have a cleaner, and I admit I am a little messy, but my husband is what

you might call a ‘neat freak’. He prioritises housework over everything else; I like to

have a tidy home, but not at the expense of work deadlines. Yet, when he wants

to help me tidy up, and I say I’ll do it after I’ve fi nished my work, we end up having

arguments. What can I do to manage both our time and expectations? Clara, 41