Crab: So that you can tune it to the proper channel. There are many
channels broadcasting in the subjunctive mode, and you want to be
able to select from them easily.
Achilles: Could you show us what you mean? I'm afraid I don't quite
understand what all this talk of "broadcasting in the subjunctive mode"
is about.
Crab: Oh, it's quite simple, really. You can figure it out yourself. I'm going
into the kitchen to fix some French fries, which I know are Mr. Sloth's
weakness.
Sloth: Mmmmm! Go to it, Crab! French fries are my favorite food.
Crab: What about the rest of you?
Tortoise: I could devour a few.
Achilles: Likewise. But wait-before you go into the kitchen, is there some
trick to using your Subjunc-TV'
Crab: Not particularly. Just continue watching the game, and whenever
there's a near miss of some sort, or whenever you wish things had gone
differently in some way, just fiddle with the dials, and see what hap-
pens. You can't do it any harm, though you may pick up some exotic
channels. (And he disappears into the kitchen.)
Achilles: I wonder what he means by that. Oh well, let's get back to this
game. I was quite wrapped up in it.
Announcer: It's fourth down for Out-of-Town, with Home Team receiv-
ing. Out-of-Town is in punt formation, with Tedzilliger playing deep.
Orwix is back to kick-and he gets a long high one away. It's coming
down near Tedzilliger-
Achilles: Grab it, Tedzilliger! Give those Out-of-Towners a run for their
money!
Announcer: -and lands in a puddle-KERsPLOSH! It takes a weird bounce!
Now Sprunk is madly scrambling for the ball! It looks like it just barely
grazed Tedzilliger on the bounce, and then slipped away from him-
it's ruled a fumble. The referee is signaling that the formidable Sprunk
has recovered for Out-of-Town on the Home Team 7! It's a bad break
for Home Team. Oh, well, thafs the way the cookie crumbles.
Achilles: Oh, no! If only it hadn't been raining ... (Wrings his hands in
despair.)
Sloth: ANOTHER of those confounded hypotheticals! Why are the rest of
you always running off into your absurd worlds of fantasy? If I were
you, I would stay firmly grounded in reality. "No subjunctive non-
sense" is my motto. And I wouldn't abandon it even if someone offered
me a hundred-nay, a hundred and twelve-French fries.
Achilles: Say, that gives me an idea. Maybe by suitably fiddling with these
knobs, I can conjure up a subjunctive instant replay in which it isn't
raining, there's no puddle, no weird bounce, and Tedzilliger doesn't
fumble. I wonder ... (Walks up to the Subjunc-TV and stares at it.) But I
haven't any idea what these different knobs do. (Spins a few at random.)
Announcer: It's fourth down for Out-of-Town, with Home Team receiv-
(^636) Contrafactus