to listen to what your spouse has to say and to consider her
perspective respectfully, the more likely it is that you'll be able to
come up with a solution or approach to a problem that satisfies you
both. If your ears are closed to your spouse's needs, opinions, and
values, compromise just doesn't have a chance.
What husbands can learn from wivesPerhaps most importantly, when a husband accepts his wife's
influence, his open attitude also heightens the positive in his
relationship by strengthening his friendship with his wife. This will
make it far easier for him to follow the first three principles:
deepening his love map, bolstering fondness and admiration, and
turning toward his wife as a matter of course.
This occurs not just because the absence of frequent power
struggles makes the marriage more pleasurable, but because such a
husband is open to learning from his wife. And there's no doubt that
women have plenty to teach men about friendship. In his book The
Complete Book of Guys, Dave Barry writes about the huge gap
between men and women in this regard. He recounts that every year
he and his wife get together with some old friends. The wives
immediately begin an intense catching-up conversation about their
inner feelings. He and the other husband watch the playoffs. The
men do get emotional at times--usually when deciding which kind of
pizza to order. Later, when the couples have parted company, Barry's
wife will say something like "Isn't it amazing how well George has
adjusted to having his leg amputated?" And Barry will pretend that
of course he had noticed George was missing a leg. Barry is
exaggerating, but the story is funny because it reveals a basic truth:
Women are more oriented toward discussing and understanding
feelings than are men.
I'm not suggesting that all women are sawier about emotions
and have better "people skills" than all men. There are plenty of
women who are tone deaf to social nuances and insensitive to others.
But usually women are more emotionally intelligent than their