other expectations are things we carry around with us without being
very aware of them.
Another problem with the lack of basic knowledge is that we
presume we know about one another's anatomy and sexual
physiology when we have never learned about these things
anywhere. We wouldn't think to run a new, complex, modern
appliance without at least glancing at the manual. But in the area of
sexuality, we do. Fortunately in this day and age manuals and books
about sexuality are readily available in bookstores. Just don't assume
that you already know about sex without reading about it. Purchase
whatever appeals to you. I highly recommend the classic The Joy of
Sex, edited by Alex Comfort (Pocket Books, 1972), Lonnie Bar bach's
For Each Other (New American Library, 1984), and Bernie
Zilbergeld's The New Male Sexuality (Bantam, 1992).
HouseworkThe task: Creating a sense of fairness and teamwork.
Joanne was fed up. For months she had been asking Greg not to
throw his dirty laundry on the bedroom floor. For months he kept
forgetting, just like he kept forgetting to vacuum the carpet and wash
the dishes every night, even though he agreed that these were his
jobs. Both of them worked full time, but Joanne usually got home first
and would end up picking up after Greg. As she ran the vacuum or
rinsed the dirty dishes that were still in the sink, she would be
seething. When he got home, she'd give him the silent treatment or
make sarcastic remarks about being the maid. He'd insist that the
problem was that she was a terrible nag."Maybe if you'd leave me
alone about it, I'd be more likely to do it," he'd tell her.
Greg didn't realize how damaging his attitude toward
housework was to his marriage until the day he arrived home to the
sound of banging from the bedroom. He walked in to find his wife,
still in her business suit, nailing his dirty boxer shorts to the oak floor.