The Whole-Brain Child

often even leads to negative results.
A downstairs tantrum is completely diʃerent. Here, a child
becomes so upset that he’s no longer able to use his upstairs brain.
Your toddler becomes so angry that you poured water on his head
to wash his hair that he begins screaming, throwing toys out of the
tub, and wildly swinging his ɹsts, trying to hit you. In this case, the
lower parts of his brain—in particular his amygdala—take over and
hijack his upstairs brain. He’s not even close to being in a state of
integration. In fact, the stress hormones ɻooding his little body
mean that virtually no part of his higher brain is fully functioning.
As a result, he’s literally incapable—momentarily, at least—of
controlling his body or emotions, and of using all of those higher-
order thinking skills, like considering consequences, solving
problems, or considering others’ feelings. He’s ɻipped his lid. The
baby gate is blocking access to the upstairs, and he simply can’t use
his whole brain. (When you later tell someone that your child
“totally lost his mind,” you’ll actually be more neurologically
accurate than you realize!)
When your child is in this state of dis-integration and a full-
blown downstairs tantrum has erupted, a completely diʃerent
parental response is called for. Whereas a child throwing an
upstairs tantrum needs a parent to quickly set ɹrm boundaries, an
appropriate response to a downstairs tantrum is much more
nurturing and comforting. As in the “connect and redirect”
technique we discussed in chapter 2, the ɹrst thing a parent needs
to do is to connect with the child and help him calm himself down.
This can often be accomplished through loving touch and a
soothing tone of voice. Or, if he has gone so far that he’s in danger
of hurting himself or someone else or destroying property, you
may have to hold him close and calmly talk him down as you
remove him from the scene.
You can experiment with diʃerent approaches depending on