Even as our children need to foster a sense of inner connection and the
ability to be authentic, they also need to learn how to live in a world of
rules and get along with others in the sandbox of life. For this to happen,
children need to listen to their own voice and, in equal measure, absorb
the voices of others. To foster the ability to surrender to one’s own will
and to that of another when appropriate is a key element of discipline.
This is very different from just getting children to “behave.”
When children have been taught to express their voice, it’s only
natural that this voice will at times be the cause of dissension with their
parents. This is the inevitable fallout of raising a spirited and confident
child. But as our children discover that the world doesn’t revolve around
them, they learn to tolerate frustration. They accept that, since they
aren’t the only ones who have wishes and needs, they can’t achieve
instant gratification all the time.
To the degree that we as parents connect with our children, providing
for them a safe container in which they are seen for who they are, they
learn to be comfortable with connection. They understand the dynamics
of a give-and-take relationship and are better able to thrive amid the
difficulties that arise. They can tolerate being depended upon, and in turn
trust that another can be leaned on.A CHILD CAN’T SOAR WITHOUT CONTAINMENT
Stephanie and her husband Phillip have three young boys who are out of
control. Because the three are always fighting with each other, play dates
are a nightmare and mealtimes a disaster. There’s no order in the house,
the children rule the roost, and chaos reigns. It’s a household that’s