The Conscious Parent

long ago robbed us of the right to expect respect. Self-respect must come
ahead of respect from others. Neither our children nor anyone else will
respect us if we don’t respect ourselves.
If, in saying “no,” we aren’t clear why we are responding this way, it
will result in our children pushing and manipulating us. This is why it’s
crucial we only say what we mean, mean what we say, and follow
through.
There are times when our children are in ego and need to be
encouraged back to presence. At such times, we may need to project our
presence onto them. Sometimes we may even need to impose our will.
This is quite different from unconsciously imposing our ways onto our
children with little awareness of what they require.
Suzanne is a single mother who has an out of control pre-teen,
Maryann. When Maryann was young, she was an angel, so she and her
mother got along perfectly. However, as Maryann began to manifest her
individuality, Suzanne didn’t know how to handle her daughter’s
budding independence. Neither did she know how to respond
constructively to Maryann’s natural need for autonomy and
empowerment, which increasingly overpowered Suzanne’s low sense of
worth. Suzanne’s struggle with her daughter resulted from the fact she
had grown up with a critical, abusive mother, who not only constantly
belittled her but even made her feel as if she was defective at her core.
As a consequence, when Suzanne became an adult, she had a string of
abusive relationships and was never able to attract a partner who was
respectful. On top of this, she struggles with obesity and chronic back
problems.