of modifying what goes on outside the skin, the parent helps the child
grow and cope from what is happening on the inside. Naturally, if it is a
case in which a child is in physical danger, the situation itself has to be
modified.
A mom or dad might encourage their child by saying, “Kids who are
awful now often grow up to be good men and women. Pretty surprising,
isn’t it? Someday they’ll be almost as mature as you! Luckily, this is just
a stage in their lives. I sure am proud of the way you handle it.” Wise
parents at least let the child know that being teased doesn’t mean there is
something wrong with him or her but that it’s a problem the other
children have.
Obviously, the more the children learn to handle this type of situation
now, with an unshakable appreciation of their own “goodness” despite
what others imply at school, the stronger men and women they will be
and the less reliant they will be on peer decisions as they grow up. Early
teasing provides children with an opportunity to learn both coping skills
and the ability not to internalize the problems of others. A parent might
say, “Honey, all your life you are going to be around fairly miserable
people. Lucky for you, you are learning to handle that now. Some don’t
really understand how to cope until they are adults! I expect you’ll come
out of this wiser, more thoughtful, and more understanding of others for
learning this now.”
The things that often don’t work are:
• Trying to make the environment more accepting (although if
a child is being truly threatened, school officials must step in
and remove the offenders).
• Trying to “build the child up” with false affirmation or
phony praise.
• Giving unasked-for advice and suggestions on behavior.
• Showing how much you hurt for the child and how frustrated
and helpless you feel in the situation.