upset grown-ups accomplish two things: (1) they lead the child to
believe that he is a horrible person, and (2) they increase the
probability of more lies in the future. That’s because kids who are
afraid that you’ll get upset have a very strong tendency to take the
easy way out first when you confront them. That means lying! They
want to escape the hot seat—right now.
What Should You Do about Lying?
Imagine that the school calls on Tuesday at 1:00 p.m. to tell you that
your ten-year-old son, Tom, got into a fight with a boy named Davey
Smith at lunchtime. At three forty-five Tom comes home. Mom starts
the conversation like this:
“How was your day?”
“Good. You made me my favorite sandwich for lunch.”
“Speaking of lunchtime, how did that go?”
“Fine, we played some baseball.”
“Anything unusual happen?”
“No.”
“OK, listen, young man. You’re lying to me. I got a call from the
school today, and Mr. Pasquini told me you got into a fight with...”
and so on.
In this conversation the parent is “cornering” her son. Sure, Mom
wants to get some information from Tom, but first she wants to test
him to see if he’ll tell her the truth. This is not the best way to handle
the situation.
When you know some kind of trouble has occurred, don’t corner
children or trick them into telling you something you know is not
true. Imagine that one night right after dinner you give your child the
third degree about whether or not he has homework. He denies having
any homework six times and then finally, after your seventh question,