The first goal of testing is for the child to get what he wants. Since he’s less
powerful than you are, he must use emotional manipulation. If the child still fails to
get what he wants, the second goal of testing is often retaliation or revenge. The
kid is going to make you pay for not letting him get his way!All parents will recognize the manipulative tactics we are about to
describe; you have likely encountered each of them many times with
your children. Grown-ups are usually aware—if they think about it—
of which maneuvers are used by which children. Moms and dads may
also recognize some of their own favorite strategies, since adults use
the same basic manipulative methods to get what they want.
By the way, the use of testing and manipulation does not mean that
a child is emotionally troubled or in need of psychological care.
Attempts to get your way, as well as attempts to punish the bigger
people who don’t give you your way, are perfectly normal human
psychological tactics. The use of testing also does not require an
exceptionally high IQ. In fact, adults are often amazed at how
naturally and skillfully little kids can produce and modify complex
testing strategies. Because our sons and daughters are so naturally
skilled, it is very important that adult caregivers understand
children’s testing tactics and how to manage them.
The Six Basic Testing Tactics
Here are the six fundamental strategies that children use to try to
influence the adults who are frustrating them.