Actually, it’s better if Mom and Dad do both count, because then
the kids know that both parents are behind the plan—they are
consistent and really serious. The involvement of both parents makes
it easier for the children to shape up. In the same way, the
involvement of both home and school in doing the 1-2-3 method also
makes it easier for kids to behave—especially the really difficult
children.
Can you ever ignore anything? Introducing the MBA!
How do you know when you should count? Usually it’s not too
difficult to tell. Most of the time, if you’re irritated about something
and that something is a Stop behavior, you should be counting. Just to
be sure, you and your kids can write a list of countable behaviors.
However, there can be times when you’re irritated but the kids are
not really misbehaving and you should not count. We call these
activities “MBAs,” Minor But Aggravating actions that may rub you
the wrong way but are not really misbehavior. Humming, singing the
same song over and over, rolling the eyes and stomping to time-out,
squirminess, chasing the dog, and eating all the frosting off the top of
the cupcake first may be examples. If the child’s not really
misbehaving and you’re just in a bad mood, the best thing to do is grit
your teeth and keep quiet.
The question of ignoring certain types of behavior leaves room for
some variation among parents. Why? Because some parents simply
have longer fuses than others. Some parents, for example, will ignore
kids’ rolling their eyes, stomping off, grumbling, and whining, while
other parents will count. Some parents will ignore a child’s yelling or
even pounding walls as long as he’s on his way to time-out. Other
parents will lengthen the rest period for that kind of behavior. Either
strategy is correct if it is done consistently. You have to clearly define
what kinds of child behavior, in your well-considered opinion, are too