Hillbilly Elegy

resolved to focus on the task at hand—
getting a job—and leave the class
tourism for later.
My bearing lasted another two
minutes. After we sat down, the waitress
asked whether I’d like tap or sparkling
water. I rolled my eyes at that one: As
impressed as I was with the restaurant,
calling the water “sparkling” was just
too pretentious—like “sparkling” crystal
or a “sparkling” diamond. But I ordered
the sparkling water anyway. Probably
better for me. Fewer contaminants.
I took one sip and literally spit it out.
It was the grossest thing I’d ever tasted. I
remember once getting a Diet Coke at a
Subway without realizing that the