200 The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
of what you feel and techniques to classify the emotion. For our purposes here, you can identify
emotions through a simple decision-making process called a decision tree. It starts with the basic
questions—is the feeling good or bad, painful or pleasurable? If the feeling is good, is it more like
satisfaction, excitement, sexual attraction, love/affection, contentment, joy, pleasant anticipation,
interest, or satiety? If the feeling is bad, is it more like anxiety, fear, anger, resentment, sadness,
grief/loss, hurt, anger or disgust with oneself, embarrassment/shame, guilt, yearning/deprivation, or
loneliness/emptiness? The decision tree looks like this:
eMotIonsGood BadSatisfaction Anxiety (for the future)Excitement Fear (of something now)Sexual attraction AngerLove/affection ResentmentContentment SadnessJoy Grief/lossPleasant anticipation HurtInterest Anger or disgust with oneselfSatiety Embarrassment/shameGuiltYearning/deprivationLoneliness/emptinessAllan, for example, was aware that something felt wrong in his relationship with his father.
When he looked at the list of feelings, the one that seemed closest was hurt—with a little bit of
resentment. Allan could tell it somehow related to his father’s planned visit. The man was coming
to town with his new wife. Yet, in five days of sightseeing, his dad had scheduled just a single
dinner with Allan. Once you can put words to what you feel, the next question becomes, what does
this emotion make you want to change? And, more specifically, what is the behavior of others that
you want to modify? Do you want them to do more or less of something? Do you want something
to stop? Do you want new behavior that could make a difference in how you feel?
Now think about the behavior change in specific terms. When and where do you want to see
this change? How often? What exactly would the new behavior look like?
Now let’s condense this process into a series of steps.