MAKE IT SAFE 85"Why do you want to stay home?"
"Because I'm tired of running around and dealing with the
hassle of the city."
"So you want peace and quiet?"
"Mostly. And why do you want to go to a movie?"
"So I can spend some time with you away from the kids."
Before you can agree on a Mutual Purpose, you must know
what people's real purposes are. So step out of the content of the
conversation-which is generally focused on strategies-and
explore the purposes behind them.
When you do this, new options become possible. When you
release your grip on your strategy and focus on your real pur
pose, you open up the possibility of finding new alternatives that
can serve Mutual Purpose.
"You want peace and quiet, and I want time with you away
from the kids. So if we can come up with something that is
quiet and away, we'll both be happy. Is that right?"
"Absolutely. What if we were to take a drive up the
canyon and ... "Invent a Mutual Purpose
Sometimes when we recognize the purposes behind our strategies,
we discover that we actually have compatible goals. From there
you simply come up with common strategies. But we're not always
so lucky. For example, you find out that your genuine wants and
goals cannot be served except at the expense of the other person's.
In this case you cannot discover a Mutual Purpose, so you must
actively invent one.
To invent a Mutual Purpose, move to more encompassing goals.
Find an objective that is more meaningful or more rewarding than