Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

(ff) #1
MASTER MY STORI ES 111

came first, the story or the sellout? Did you convince yourself of
the other driver's selfishness and then not let him in? Of course
not. You had no reason to think he was selfish until you needed
an excuse for your own selfish behavior. You didn't start telling
clever stories until after you failed to do something you knew you
should have done. Your spouse's annoying habit didn't become a
source of resentment until you became part of the problem. You
got upset because you sold out. And the clever story helped you
feel good about being rude.
Sellouts are often not big events. In fact, they can be so small
that they're easy for us to overlook when we're crafting our
clever stories. Here are some common ones:



  • You believe you should help someone, but don't.

  • You believe you should apologize, but don't.

  • You believe you should stay late to finish up on a commitment,
    but go home instead.

  • You say yes when you know you should say no, then hope no
    one follows up to see if you keep your commitment.

  • You believe you should talk to someone about concerns you
    have with him or her, but don't.

  • You do less than your share and think you should acknowl­
    edge it, but say nothing knowing no one else will bring it up
    either.

  • You believe you should listen respectfully to feedback, but
    become defensive instead.

  • You see problems with a plan someone presents and think you
    should speak up, but don't.

  • You fail to complete an assignment on time and believe you
    should let others know, but don't.

Free download pdf