Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

148 CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS

to do so. Our cues are simple: Others are going to silence or vio­
lence. We can see that they're feeling upset, fearful, or angry. We
can see that if we don't get at the source of their feelings, we'll
end up suffering the effects of the feelings. These external reac­
tions are our cues to do whatever it takes to help others retrace
their Paths to Action.
How? We've also suggested that whatever we do to invite the
other person to open up and share his or her path, our invitation
must be sincere. As hard as it sounds, we must be sincere in the
face of hostility, fear, or even abuse-which leads us to the next
question.
What? What are we supposed to actually do? What does it
take to get others to share their path-stories and facts alike? In
a word, it requires listening. In order for people to move from
acting on their feelings to talking about their conclusions and
observations, we must listen in a way that makes it safe for oth­
ers to share their intimate thoughts. They must believe that when
they share their thoughts, they won't offend others or be pun­
ished for speaking frankly.

AMPP

To encourage others to share their paths we'll use four power lis­
tening tools that can help make it safe for other people to speak
frankly. We call the four skills power listening tools because they
are best remembered with the acronym AMPP-Ask, Mirror,
Paraphrase, and Prime. Luckily, the tools work for both silence
and violence games.

Ask to Get Things Rolling

The easiest and most straightforward way to encourage others to
share their Path to Action is simply to invite them to express them­
selves. For example, often all it takes to break an impasse is to seek