Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High

PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER 185

Figure 10-4. The Dialogue Model

To help others share their meaning, we Explore Others' Paths.
We ask, mirror, paraphrase, and prime (AMPP) as needed to get
to their feelings, stories, and facts. As we use these skills effec­
tively, we demonstrate that their concerns are discussable-that
dialogue can actually work. This helps others feel safer sur­
rendering their silence and violence and joining us in dialogue.
Finally, with the Pool of Shared Meaning full, we Move to
Action. We ensure that we are clear about how decisions are
being made and about what the decisions are. And we follow up
to ensure that dialogue leads to positive actions and results.
You can use the Dialogue Model first to diagnose what's going
un. Remember to ask: "Where am I?" ''Where are others?" "Are we
in dialogue or in some form of silence or violence?"
Next ask, "Where do I want to be?" "Where do I want others to
be?" The principles and tools become the methods and means to
get to dialogue.