YEAH, BUT 207She was wrong about always sticking with a discussion, no mat
ter your emotional state. It's perfectly okay to suggest that you
need some time alone and that you'd like to pick up the discus
sion later on-say, tomorrow. Then, after you've dissipated the
adrenaline and have had time to think about the issues, hold the
conversation. Coming to mutual agreement to take a time-out is
not the same thing as going to silence. In fact, it's a very healthy
example of dialogue.
As a sidenote on this topic, it's not such a good idea to tell oth
ers that they need to calm down or that they need to take some
time out. They may need the time, but it's hard to suggest it with
out coming off as patronizing. "Take ten minutes, calm down,
and then get back to me." With others, get back to the source of
their anger. Retrace their Path to Action.
ENDLESS EXCUSES
"YEAH,
BUT ...MY TEENAGE SON is a master of excuses. I talk to him
about a problem, and he's always got a new reason
why it's not his fa ult."The Danger Point
It's easy to be lulled into a series of never-ending excuses-par
ticularly if the other person doesn't want to do what you've
asked and learns that as long as he or she can give you a plausi
ble reason, all bets are off.
"I go to work before my son leaves for school, and he's con
stantly late. First he told me that he was late because his
alarm broke. The next day the old car we bought him had
a problem-or so he says. Then his friend forgot to pick
him up. Then he had a hl!ad cold and couldn't hear his new
a I" 1'1ll. Thl!11.. ."