201Transference happens frequently with bosses because they
are authority figures. The boss-employee relationship can trigger
authority conflicts you might have. You can begin to have strong
reactions that are not appropriate to the current relationship.
Suppose your supervisor tells you that he wants something
done differently. Immediately you feel “put down.” You think,
He never thinks I do anything right. I’ll show him. Your super-
visor may have made the comment in passing, but the feelings
it triggered were very strong indeed. The reality is that the inter-
action may be tapping into unresolved hurt from past authority
relationships, such as parents or teachers.
When a transference relationship starts, you may begin to
act out all the old patterns you did with parents. This never
works. You become a child on the job.
To have boundaries is to take responsibility for your transfer-
ence. If you find yourself having strong reactions to someone, take
some time and look inside to see if the feelings are familiar. Do they
remind you of someone from the past? Did Mom or Dad treat you
like that? Do they have the same personality as this person?
You are responsible for working out these feelings. Until you
face your own feelings, you can’t even see who others really are.
You are looking at them through your own distortions, through
your own unfinished business. When you see others clearly with-
out transference, you will know how to deal with them.
Another example would be strong feelings of competition with
a co-worker. This may represent some competitive relationship
from the past, such as sibling rivalry, that has not been worked
through. Whenever you experience strong feelings, see them as
part of your responsibility. This will lead you to any unfinished
business and healing, as well as keep you from acting irrationally
toward co-workers and bosses. Leave the past in the past, deal with
it, and do not allow it to interfere with present relationships.
Problem #7: Expecting Too Much of Work
People increasingly come to the workplace wanting the com-
pany to be a “family.” In a society where the family, church, and
Boundaries and Work