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God prefers honesty. “It is better not to vow than to make a vow
and not fulfill it” (Eccl. 5:5). We would be much better off if we
would say an honest no to whatever God is asking, for the next
step could be repentance. An honest no will lead us to the dis-
covery of how destructive it is to say no to God and to a real hun-
gering and thirsting for righteousness.
Jerry was a member of a support group I was leading. He
was cheating on his wife, but he kept saying that he was sorry
and that he really didn’t want to be an adulterer. He really
wanted to obey God; however, as much as he said that, he didn’t
change. He wanted to believe that he wanted to change without
doing the work of change.
Tired of hearing how much he wanted to be different, I sug-
gested that he tell God and the group the truth. He really did
not want to change, he enjoyed his affairs, and his real wish was
that God would take his rules and go somewhere else.
Jerry was taken aback, but gradually began to see how true
this was. Finally, he told the truth about his lack of love for God
and how he really wanted to do his own thing. At first this admis-
sion scared him. He was giving up the falsehood of seeing him-
self as a Christian who cared about holiness. But his honesty felt
better to him than all the lies, and something began to happen.
In the safety of grace, which was allowing him to see himself
as he really was, he began to regret who he was. He began to see
the emptiness of his heart. When he owned who he really was
from his heart, he did not like himself. He was developing godly
sorrow, the kind that leads to repentance, and he began to
change. He told his lover that he was not going to see her any
more, and he made a new commitment to his wife. This time he
meant it. Whereas for years he had been saying yes and acting
out no, he finally owned his no to God directly and honestly.
Only then was change possible.
Until we can own our boundaries with God, we can’t ever
change them or allow him to work with them. They are hidden and
not communicated. They need to be honestly owned, exposed, and
made a part of us. Then, we and God can face the problem.
Boundaries