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- “If you really loved me, you would make this telephone call
for me.” - “It seems like you would care enough about the family to do
this one thing.” - “How can you abandon the family like this?”
- “You know how it’s turned out in the past when you haven’t
listened to me.” - “After all, you never had to lift a finger around here. It seems
like it’s time you did.” - “You know that if I had it, I would give it to you.”
- “You have no idea how much we sacrificed for you.”
- “Maybe after I’m dead and gone, you’ll be sorry.”
Sometimes guilt manipulation comes dressed up in God talk: - “How can you call yourself a Christian?”
- “Doesn’t the Bible say ‘Honor your parents’?”
- “You’re not being very submissive. I’m sure that grieves the
Lord.” - “I thought Christians were supposed to think of others.”
- “What kind of religion would teach you to abandon your own
family?” - “You must really have a spiritual problem to be acting this
way.”
People who say these things are trying to make you feel
guilty about your choices. They are trying to make you feel bad
about deciding how you will spend your own time or resources,
about growing up and separating from your parents, or about
having a life separate from a friend or spiritual leader. Remem-
ber the landowner’s words in the parable of the workers in the
vineyard: “Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own
money?” (Matt. 20:15). The Bible says that we are to give and
not be self-centered. It does not say that we have to give what-
ever anyone wants from us. We are in control of our giving.
Probably everyone is able to some degree to recognize guilt
messages when they hear them. But if you feel bad about your
Boundaries