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- Since you were unsure, you said yes.
- Since you were unsure, you said no.
Which is the more mature of these? In most cases, the sec-
ond. Why? Because it is more responsible to give out of our
resources than to promise that which we might not be able to
deliver. Jesus said that we are to “calculate the cost” of our
endeavors.
Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first
sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough
money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is
not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him.
(Luke 14:28–30)
Boundary-injured individuals make promises and then do
one of two things: (1) They resentfully make good, or (2) they
fail on the promise. Boundary-developed people, however,
make good freely and gladly. Or they don’t promise at all.
Following up on guilt-ridden or compliant responsibilities
can be quite costly, painful, and inconvenient. The lesson you
need to learn is not to promise too much before you have done
your spiritual and emotional calculations.
Step #11: Mature Boundaries—Value-Driven Goal Setting
Ben placed his pen down on the desk and looked over at his
wife, Jan, satisfied. They had just spent a day together reviewing
the last year and planning for the next one. This annual tradition
had been developed over the past several years. It was a way for
them to feel that their lives had some direction, some purpose.
Before they had begun setting goals together, life had been
chaotic. Ben had been controlling and impulsive. They hadn’t
been able to save much money because of his spending habits.
Though she was good with money, Jan had been compliant and
nonconfrontive. So the more Ben spent, the more she withdrew
and busied herself outside the house in volunteer missions.
Finally, after a great deal boundary work with a marriage ther-
apist, Jan began setting limits on Ben’s out-of-control behavior.
Boundaries