communicationcannotwork.Tosharehurtfeelingswithanattitudethatsays"Nothingyousaycanmake
mefeelbetter" isnotonly counterproductivebutalsohurtfultoyourpartner.Itisbetternottotalkat
thesetimes.
HereisanexampleofaLoveLetteranditsResponseLetter.NoticethattheresponseisstillundertheP.S.,
butit'sabitlongerandmoredetailedthanthoseabove.
ALoveLetterandResponseLetterAboutHisResistance
WhenTheresaasksherhusband,Paul,forsupport,heresistsherandappearsburdenedbyherrequests.
DearPaul,
1 .Anger:Iamangrythatyouresistme.Iamangrythatyoudonotoffertohelpme.IamangrythatI
alwayshavetoask.Idosomuchforyou.Ineedyourhelp.
2 .Sadness:Iamsad thatyoudon'twanttohelpine.IamsadbecauseIfeelsoalone.Iwanttodo
morethingstogether.Imissyoursupport.
3 .Fear:Iamafraidtoaskforyourhelp.Iamafraidofyouranger.IamafraidyouwillsaynoandthenI
willbehurt.
4 .Regret:IamsorrythatIresentyousomuch.IamsorrythatInagyouandcriticizeyou.IamsorryI
don'tappreciateyoumore.IamsorryIgivetoomuchandthendemandyoudothesame.
S.Love.Iloveyou.Iunderstandyouaredoingyourbest.Iknowyoudocareaboutme.Iwanttoaskyou
inmorelovingways.Youaresuchalovingfathertoourchildren.
Iloveyou,Theresa
PS.TheresponseIwouldliketohearis:
DearTheresa,
Thank youforlovingmesomuch.Thankyouforsharingyourfeelings.Iunderstandthatithurtsyou
whenIactasifyourrequestsaretoodemanding.IunderstandthatithurtswhenIresistyou.Iamsorry
thatIdon'toffertohelpyoumoreoften.YoudeservemysupportandIwanttosupportyoumore.Ido
loveyouandIfeelsohappythatyouaremywife.
Iloveyou,Paul
STEP 3 .SHARINGYOURLOVELETTERANDRESPONSELETTER
Sharingyourlettersisimportantforthefollowingreasons:
- Itgivesyourpartneranopportunitytosupportyou.
- Itallowsyoutogettheunderstandingyouneed.