Ontheotherhand,whenIamasked"Wouldyoucleanupthebackyard"Ibegintomakeadecision,andI
am willing to besupportive. IfI say yes, the chancesofmy remembering to do itare much greater
becauseIhavemadeapromise.
- Whenshesays"I need your help.Couldyouplease help?"itsounds critical, like somehowI have
alreadyfailedher.Itdoesn'tfeellikeaninvitationtobethegoodguyIwanttobeandsupporther.Onthe
otherhand,"Ineedyouhelp.Wouldyoupleasecarrythis?"soundslikearequestandanopportunitytobe
thegoodguy.Iwanttosayyes.
3 .Whenmywifesays"canyouchangeChristopher'sdiaper?"Ithinkinside,SureIcanchangeit.Iam
capable,andadiaperisasimplethingtochange.ButthenifIdon'tfeellikedoingItImightmakesonic
excuse.Now,ifsheasked"WouldyouchangeChristopher'sdiaper?"Iwouldsay"Yeah,sure,"anddoit.
InsideIwouldfeel,IliketoparticipateandIenjoyhelpingraiseourchildren.Iwanttohelp!
4 .WhenIamasked"Wouldyouhelpmeplease?"itgivesmeanopportunitytohelp,andIammorethan
willingtosupporther,butwhenIhear"Couldyouhelpmeplease?''Ifeelbackedupagainstthewall,as
ifIhavenochoice.lfIhavetheabilitytohelpthenIamexpectedtohelp!ldon'tfeelappreciated.
5 .Iresentbeingasked"couldyou."IfeellikeIhavenochoicebuttosayyes.IfIsay.noshewillbeupset
withme.Itisnotarequestbutademand.
6 .Ikeepmyselfbusk,oratleastpretendtobebusysothatthewomanIworkwithdoesn'taskmethe
"couldyou"question.With"wouldyou"IfeelIhaveachoice,andIwanttohelp.
7 .Justthislastweekmywifeaskedme,"Couldyouplanttheflowerstoday?"andwithouthesitationIsaid
yes.Thenwhenslit:camehomesheasked,"Didyouplanttheflower?"Isaidno.Shesaid,"Couldyoudo
ittomorrow ?" andagain, withouthesitation, Isaidyes. Thishappenedeveryday this week, andthe
flowersarestillnotplanted.Ithinkifshehadaskedme"Wouldyouplanttheflowerstomorrow?"Iwould
havethoughtaboutit,andifIhadsaidyesIwouldhavedoneit.
8 .WhenIsay"Yes,Icoulddothat"Iamnotcommittingmyselftodoingit.IamjustsayingthatIcould
doit.Ihavenotpromisedtodoit.IfshegetsupsetwithmeIfeellikeshedoesn'thavearight.IfIsayI
willdoit,thenIcanunderstandwhysheisupsetifIdon'tdoit.
9 .Igrewupwithfivesisters,andnowIammarriedandhavethreedaughters.Whenmywifesays"Can
youbringoutthetrash?"Ijustdon'tanswer.Thensheasks"why?"andIdon'tevenknow.NowIrealize
why.Ifeelcontrolled.Icanrespondto"wouldyou?"
10 .WhenIheara"couldyou",I'llimmediatelysayyes,andthenoverthenexttenminutesIwillrealize
whyI'mnotgoingtodoitandthenignorethequestion.ButwhenIheara"willyou"apartofmecomes
upsaying"Yes,Iwanttobeofservice,"andthenevenifobjectionscomeuplaterinmymind,Iwillstill