assumingthateventuallyIwoulddoit.ThenfinallyImadeafewbangingnoisesonmywayout,gotinmy
car,andwenttothestore.
Thensomethinghappened,somethingthathappenstoallmen,somethingthatwomendon'tknowabout.
AsInowmovedclosertomynewgoal,themilk,mygrumbleswentaway.Istartedfeelingmyloveformy
wifeandmywillingnesstosupport.Istartedfeelinglikethegoodguy.Believeme,Ilikedthatfeeling.
BythetimeIwasinthestore,Iwashappytobegettingthemilk.Whenmyhandreachedthebottle,I
hadachievedmynewgoal.Achievementalwaysmakesmenfeelgood.Iplayfullypickedupthebottlein
myrighthandandturnedaroundwithalookofpridethatsaid"Hey.lookatme.I'mgettingthemilkfor
mywife.Igotothestoreandgetsomemilk."Inhisresponse,hesays"Oh,I'mreallytired,Iwanttogo
tobed."
Insteadofimmediatelylettinghimoffthehookbysaying"OK,"saynothing.Standthereandacceptthat
heisresistingyourrequest.Bynotresistinghisresistancethereisamuchgreaterchancehewillsayyes.
Theartofassertiveaskingistoremainsilentafteryouhavemadearequest.Afteryouhaveasked,expect
himtomoan,groan,scowl,growl,mumble,andgrumble.Icalltheresistancemenhavetorespondingto
requeststhegrumbles.Themorefocusedamanisatthetime,themorehewillgrumble.Hisgrumbles
havenothingtodowithhiswillingnesstosupport;theyareasymptomofhowfocusedheisatthetime
whenasked.
Awomanwillgenerallymisinterpretaman'sgrumbles.Shemistakenlyassumesthatheisunwillingtofulfill
herrequest. Thisisnotthecase.Hisgrumblesareasignthatheis intheprocessofconsideringher
request.Ifhewasnotconsideringherrequestthenhewouldverycalmlysayno.Whenamangrumblesit
isagoodsign--heistryingtoconsideryourrequestversushisneeds.
Hewillgothroughinternalresistanceatshiftinghisdirectionfromwhathe'sfocusingontoyourrequest.
Likeopeningadoorwithrustyhinges,themanwillmakeunusualnoises.Byignoringhisgrumblesthey
quicklygoaway.
Oftenwhenamangrumblesheisintheprocessofsayingyestoyourrequest. Becausemostwomen
misunderstandthisreaction,theyeitheravoidaskinghimforsupportortheytakeitpersonallyandreject
himinreturn.
Inourexample,whereheisheadedforbedandyouaskhimtogotothestoreformilk,heislikelyto
grumble."I'mtired,"hesayswithanannoyedlook."Iwanttogotobed."
Ifyoumisunderstandhisresponseasarejection,youmight
- "Idon'taskyouformuch."
- "Itwillonlytakeyoufifteenminutes.,,