1 ."Youshouldn'tworrysomuch."
2 ."ButthatisnotwhatIsaid."
3 ."It'snotsuchabigdeal."
4 ."OK,I'msorry.Nowcanwejustforgetit?"
5 ."Whydon'tyoujustdoit?"
6 ."Butwedotalk."
7 ."Youshouldn'tfeelhurt,that'snotwhatImeant."
8 ."Sowhatareyoutryingtosay?"
9 ."Butyoushouldn'tfeelthatway."
10 ."Howcanyousaythat?LastweekIspentthewholedaywithyou.Wehadagreattime."
11 ."OK,thenjustforgetit."
12 ."Allright,I'llcleanupthebackyard.Doesthatmakeyouhappy?"
13 ."Igotit.Thisiswhatyoushoulddo."
14 ."Look,there'snothingwecandoaboutit."
15 ."Ifyouaregoingtocomplainaboutdoingit,thendon'tdoit."
16 ."Whydoyouletpeopletreatyouthatway?Forgetthem."
17 ."Ifyou'renothappythenweshouldjustgetadivorce."
18 ."Allright,thenyoucandoitfromnowon."
19 ."Fromnowon,Iwillhandleit."
20 ."OfcourseIcareaboutyou.That'sridiculous."
21 ."Wouldyougettothepoint?"
22 ."Allwehavetodois...”
23 ."That'snotatallwhathappened."
Each ofthese statements either Invalidates or attempts to explain upsetfeelingsor offers asolution
designedsuddenlytochangehernegativefeelingstopositivefeelings.Thefirststepamancantaketo
changethispattern is simply to stopmakingtheabovecomments(weexplorethistopic morefullyin
chapter 5 ).Topracticelisteningwithoutofferinganyinvalidatingcommentsorsolutionsis,however,abig
step.