she stillneeds to talk about them. She feels supported if the listener relates to her frustration and
disappointment.Shemay,however,frustratehermatepartner_-unlessheunderstandsthatshejustneeds
totalkaboutitandthenshewillfeelbetter.
Menalsobecomeimpatientwhenwomentalkaboutproblemsingreatdetail.Amanmistakenlyassumes
thatwhenawomantalksingreatdetailthatallthedetailsarenecessaryforhimtofindasolutiontoher
problem.Hestrugglestofindtheirrelevanceandbecomesimpatient.Againhedoesn'trealizethatsheis
lookingnotforasolutionfromhimbutforhiscaringandunderstanding.
Inaddition,listeningisdifficultforamanbecausehemistakenlyassumesthereisalogicalorderwhenshe
randomlychangesfromoneproblemtoanother.Aftershehassharedthreeorfourproblemshebecomes
extremelyfrustratedandconfusedtryinglogicallytorelatetheseproblems.
Another reason a manmay resist listening is that heislooking for thebottom line. Hecannot begin
formulatinghissolutionuntilheknowstheoutcome.Themoredetailsshegivesthemoreheisfrustrated
whilelistening.Hisfrustrationislessenedifhecanrememberthatsheisgreatlybenefitingbytalkingabout
thedetails.Ifhecanrememberthattalkingindetailishelpinghertofeelgood,thenhecanrelax.Justas
amanisfulfilledthroughworkingouttheintricatedetailsofsolvingaproblem,awomanisfulfilledthrough
talkingaboutthedetailsofherproblems.
Somethingawomancandotomakeitalittleeasierforamanistolethimknowinadvancetheoutcome
ofthestoryandthengoback andgivethedetails. Avoidkeeping himinsuspense.Womencommonly
enjoylettingthesuspensebuildbecauseitbringsmorefeelingintothestory.Anotherwomanappreciates
thisbuildup,butamancanbeeasilyfrustrated.
Thedegreetowhichamandoesnotunderstandawomanisthedegreetowhichhewillresistherwhen
sheistalkingaboutproblems.Asamanlearnsmorehowtofulfillawomanandprovideheremotional
supporthediscoversthatlisteningisnotsodifficult.Moreimportant,ifawomancanremindamanthat
shejustwantstotalkaboutherproblemsandthathedoesn'thavetosolveanyofthem,itcanhelphimto
relaxandlisten.
HOWTHEMARTIANSANDVENUSIANSFOUNDPEACE....................................................................
TheMartiansandVenusianslivedtogetherinpeacebecausetheywereabletorespecttheirdifferences.
TheMartianslearnedtorespectthatVenusiansneededtotalktofeelbetter.Evenifhedidn'thavemuch
tosay,helearnedthatbylisteninghecouldbeverysupportive.TheVenusianslearnedtorespectthat
Martiansneededtowithdrawtocopewithstress.Thecavewasnolongeragreatmysteryorcausefor
alarm.
WWWWhhhhaaaatttttttthhhheeeeMMMMaaaarrrrttttiiiiaaaannnnssssLLLLeeeeaaaarrrrnnnneeeedddd