WHENAWOMANDOESN'TFEELSAFEINHERWELL......................................................................
Thistendencytobelikeawaveincreaseswhenawomanisinanintimaterelationship.Itisessentialthat
shefeelsafetogothroughthiscycle.Otherwisesheworkshardatpretendingthateverythingisalwaysall
rightandsuppresseshernegativefeelings.
Whenawomandoesn'tfeelsafetogointoherwell,heronlyalternativeistoavoidintimacyandsexorto
suppress and numb her feelings through addictions like drinking, overeating, overworking, or
overcaretaking.Evenwithheraddictions,however,sheperiodicallywillfallintoherwellandherfeelings
maycomeupinamostuncontrolledfashion.
Youprobablyknowstoriesofcoupleswhoneverfightorargueandthensuddenlytoeveryone'ssurprise
theydecidetogetadivorce.Inmanyofthesecases,thewomanhassuppressedhernegativefeelingsto
avoidhavingfights.Asaresultshebecomesnumbandunabletofeelherlove.
WWWWhhhheeeennnnnnnneeeeggggaaaattttiiiivvvveeeeffffeeeeeeeelllliiiinnnnggggssssaaaarrrreeeessssuuuupppppppprrrreeeesssssssseeeeddddppppoooossssiiiittttiiiivvvveeeeffffeeeeeeeelllliiiinnnnggggssssbbbbeeeeccccoooommmmeeeessssuuuupppppppprrrreeeesssssssseeeeddddaaaasssswwwweeeellllllll,,,,aaaannnnddddlllloooovvvveeee
ddddiiiieeeessss....Avoidingargumentsandfightscertainlyishealthybutnotbysuppressingfeelings.Inchapter 9 we
willexplorehowtoavoidargumentswithoutsuppressingfeelings.
Emotional Housecleaning
Whenawoman'swavecrashesisatimeofemotionalcleansingoremotionalhousecleaning.Withoutthis
cleansingoremotionalcatharsisawomanslowly losesherabilitytoloveandtogrowinlove.TTTThhhhrrrroooouuuugggghhhh
ccccoooonnnnttttrrrroooolllllllleeeedddd rrrreeeepppprrrreeeessssssssiiiioooonnnn ooooffff hhhheeeerrrr ffffeeeeeeeelllliiiinnnnggggssss hhhheeeerrrr wwwwaaaavvvveeee nnnnaaaattttuuuurrrreeee iiiissss oooobbbbssssttttrrrruuuucccctttteeeedddd,,,, aaaannnndddd sssshhhheeee ggggrrrraaaadddduuuuaaaallllllllyyyy
bbbbeeeeccccoooommmmeeeessssuuuunnnnffffeeeeeeeelllliiiinnnnggggaaaannnnddddppppaaaassssssssiiiioooonnnnlllleeeessssssssoooovvvveeeerrrrttttiiiimmmmeeee....
Somewomenwhoavoiddealingwiththeirnegativeemotionsandresistthenaturalwavemotionoftheir
feelings experience premenstrualsyndrome(PMS). Thereisastrong correlationbetween PMS andthe
inability to cope with negative feelings in a positive way. In some cases women who have learned
successfully to dealwith theirfeelingshavefelttheirPMSsymptomsdisappear. In chapter 11 we will
exploremorehealingtechniquesfordealingwithnegativeemotions.
Even a strong, confident, and successful woman will need to visit her wellfrom time to time. Men
commonlymakethemistakeofthinkingthatiftheirfemalepartnerissuccessfulintheworkworldthen
shewillnotexperiencethesetimesofemotionalhousecleaning.Theoppositeistrue.
Whenawomanisintheworkworldshegenerallyisexposedtostressandemotionalpollution.Herneed
foremotionalhousecleaningbecomesgreat.Similarly,aman'sneedtopullawaylikearubberbandmay