In stage four, it is fine to switch roles occasionally. If the man
has always planned the dates, she can do it now and then. If
he has always been a good listener, now she just listens. If he
has always initiated romance, now she initiates it sometimes.
This switching of roles is an important step, but it must be
done with caution. It is too easy for a man to sit back and re-
ceive and for a woman to give too much. When roles are
switched, it should be done consciously, with an awareness
that it is just occasional.
WHEN MEN FEEL AND TALK A LOT
Some men are already in touch with their feelings. They are
very open and ready to talk. These men can unknowingly
sabotage a relationship. A woman needs to feel first that a man
is there for her; then she can be there for him without losing
herself. When a man needs a woman more than she needs him,
it can be a real turnoff. By making sure that he never talks more
than the woman, a man creates the right balance in the relation-
ship.
The man should be careful never
to talk more than the woman.When a woman senses a man’s need for support, it can actu-
ally prevent her from feeling her own needs. This is a big dif-
ference between men and women. When a man is there for a
woman, he gets more in touch with his own feelings and needs.
When a woman is there for a man, it may cause her to lose
touch with her feelings and needs.
FINDING BALANCE
When a couple switches roles too much, a man may become
like a wave and a woman may become like a rubber band. The
STAGE FOUR: INTIMACY / 107