to doubt that he is the right one for her. This is the time to move
back to stage two, uncertainty.
To make this shift she might share her feelings like this: “I
am sorry that I don’t love you the way I did. I know I love you,
but because you don’t want to get married, I am closing down.
I don’t trust that you are the one for me. I need to pull back
into myself to decide what to do. I am not ready to date others.
I would still like to date you if you call, but I need more time
on my own. I am just not sure.” By making this transition and
taking this time to be in stage two, she will benefit in two ways.
The First Benefit of UncertaintyThe first benefit is that it connects her to the truth that he
may not be the right person for her. This awareness can give
her the clarity, strength, and courage to break off from him in
a positive manner. Instead of feeling cheated she will eventu-
ally feel grateful that she didn’t marry the wrong person.
There is no better way to complete a relationship than with
positive feelings of gratitude. If she does not feel grateful for
his inability to commit, then she has not yet accepted that he
is not the one for her. She is still blaming him. As we have
already discussed, this negative attitude may prevent her from
moving on to find the right person for her.
By giving herself the permission to feel uncertain and doubt
him, she will eventually understand why he is also uncertain
about getting married. This understanding will allow her to
forgive him. From this place of forgiveness she is much more
discerning in knowing who is right for her.
The Second Benefit of UncertaintyThe second benefit of moving back to stage two is that a
woman gives her partner the space he needs to determine if
WHEN THE CLOCK KEEPS TICKING AND HE’S NOT WEARING A