For example, on a date while driving through an expensive
neighborhood, a woman might say, “Oh, look at that beautiful
house; I’ll bet they have a swimming pool. Oh, I love swimming
pools.”
She is simply sharing herself, but his reaction may be
something like, Wow, this woman has expensive tastes; I don’t
know if I could keep her happy. He mistakenly assumes that
because the thought of a mansion and a swimming pool makes
her happy, he will have to provide it all for her to be happy.
At this point, he starts to think that she may be the wrong
person for him to pursue.
In stage two, it is very important for the man to do little
things for the woman so he can repeatedly test and experience
the idea that he has the power to make her happy. A man
bonds with a woman through being successful in providing
for her happiness, comfort, and fulfillment. His doubts are
dispelled not primarily by what she does for him, but by how
she responds to what he does for her.
A man’s doubts are dispelled not primarily by
what a woman does for him, but by how she
responds to what he does for her.Traditionally, this is why men have been the ones who
provide on a date. The man gets the woman’s number, the
man calls her up, the man asks her out, the man comes up with
a plan, the man picks her up, the man opens and shuts the car
door, the man drives and navigates, the man buys the tickets,
the man escorts the woman to her seat, the man takes respons-
ibility for her comfort and happiness, the man pays the check.
The man gives and the woman graciously receives.
These little things that a man provides on a date give him a
chance to test the waters and to see how much he likes
STAGE TWO: UNCERTAINTY / 49