DISCOVERING HER POWER
Long before a woman gets to stage four (intimacy), when it is
appropriate to share negative feelings, she must first discover
her power to ask for what she wants and get it without needing
to complain. A woman needs repeatedly to experience that a
man is already willing to be of assistance. With this awareness,
as she opens up more in stage four, she will not feel the need
to use her negative feelings as a way to motivate a man to fulfill
her requests. Instead she will open up as a way to experience
greater intimacy and to find relief.
Many women turn men off by making the mistake of focus-
ing on their negative feelings before making a request. On
Venus they commonly talk and share their feelings about a
problem before asking for a solution. While this approach may
work with girlfriends, it does not work with men. These are a
few examples:
DON’T SAY DO SAY
“Would you take me out to a
concert next weekend?”“We never go out.”“Let’s do something fun this
weekend. Let’s have a picnic
on the mountain.”“We never do anything fun
anymore.”“Maybe we could go to the
beach this weekend. What do
you think?”“I’m tired of hanging around
town all the time.”By learning to ask for what she wants in a positive way, a
woman will eventually develop one of the most important
skills she needs for having a successful relationship with a
man.
STAGE THREE: EXCLUSIVITY / 81