Typical Questions of Married Couples and the AnswersOn the other hand, your husband may probably be choleric in temperament and therefore you must understand
the strengths and weaknesses of a choleric husband and what to do if you are married to one.
(Refer to Chapter 18 pg. 70-72, “Strengths and Weaknesses of a Choleric Husband”; Chapter 43 pg. 190,
“What to do if you are married to a Choleric Husband or Wife”; Chapter 25 pg. 106, “The Key of
Acceptance––Accept the Temperament of Your Spouse”).
Q. She does not easily forget about issues.
A. If that means she does not easily forgive then it will be difficult to solve problems and live in harmony in
such a home. As for forgetting, one must intentionally forget. It happens over a period, but to forgive is a divine
injunction. It is required by God.
In a marriage there will always be offence but forgiveness must also be present to deal with the offences that arise.
Unforgiveness is a spiritual matter and God does not forgive those who do not forgive. Husband, help your wife,
with the Word of God, to appreciate this. Furthermore, teach her by your example on how to forgive and let go.
(Refer to Chapter 21 pg. 89-92, “Problem Solving in Marriage”; Chapter 9 pg. 32-36, “Communication in
Marriage”).
Q. She is very defensive when I confront her about things I do not like.
A. Self-preservation is one of the most powerful instincts in every living being. When your wife senses
hostility and the fact that she is under attack, she fights back to preserve herself. This is not the best way to deal with
issues in marriage.
You must learn to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). In other words, when and how you say what you have
to say is important. Be guided by this and you will be able to get your wife to accept her shortcomings more easily.
(Refer to Chapter 9 pg. 32-36, “Communication in Mariage”).
Q. She does not say sorry easily.
A. Many times marital conflicts are unresolved because no one wants to say sorry. However, a soft answer turns
away wrath and he who confesses and forsakes his sins will obtain mercy.
(Refer to Chapter 21 pg. 89-92,“Problem-Solving in Marriage”).
Q. I do not like the way he talks to me sometimes especially when our domestic help and others are
around.
A. Again, we must learn to speak the truth in love. Furthermore, Galatians. 6:1 teaches us how to correct others
who may have made mistakes. When you correct your spouse, it is not appropriate for you to do so in the presence
of others––wait and do it at a more appropriate time and place. That is what shows that you are doing it in love and
not in anger or self-righteousness.
(Refer to Chapter 21 pg. 89-92, “Problem Solving in Marriage”).Spiritual
Q. She is not spiritual enough.
A. It is the duty of the husband according to Ephesians 5:29 to nourish and cherish his wife with the Word of
God. He is also the leader in the home. If the wife is not spiritual enough, the head has the responsibility to discipline
her in love, like any new convert, until she becomes spiritual enough. Remember that it is God who does the
changing and not the husband.
(Refer to Chapter 8 pg. 28-30, “Love in Marriage––Agape”; Refer to Chapter 25 pg. 105-109, “The Key of
Acceptance”).
Q. He does not pray as he used to do before our marriage. I wish he was more godly, that is, prayerful.
A. These are all the cries of a wife about the unspiritual attitude of her husband. In Genesis 2:18 God said He
was making a help meet for the man. What this means is that the wife is a helper to her husband. This means she is
to help in every way, including spiritually.