Body Language

you. The intensity and length of time she holds your eye influences the mean-

ing of the gaze. The following sections explain the different attitudes that a

held gaze can mean.

Jennifer is a psychiatric doctor working in private practice. A patient of hers,

Dorothy, is an elderly woman who was diagnosed schizophrenic when she was

in her late teens. Dorothy has managed to live an active life through the use of

medication and psychiatric treatment and many of her friends aren’t aware of

her illness. One behaviour that Jennifer noticed about Dorothy is the way she

stares at another person for long periods of time without speaking. The look is

difficult to read because of the blankness of the stare. The look is unflinching

and can be unnerving to people who aren’t aware of the problem.

When a person holds your gaze she’s telling you one of two things: She finds

you attractive or interesting, or she may be feeling anger or hostility towards

you and is offering you a non-verbal challenge. How do you tell the differ-

ence? Look at her pupils: In the first case, the pupils are dilated; in the

second, the pupils are constricted.

To show interest ...................................................................................

You can demonstrate interest in what you’re doing or saying by fixing your

gaze directly on the person or object you’re addressing for slightly longer

than you may normally do. The length and direction of your gaze tells anyone

who’s paying attention that you only have eyes for who and what you’re look-

ing at. The moment you look at another person, you have given that person

your attention. Hold the look for more than two to three seconds and you

imply that the person has grabbed your interest and has your permission to

look back at you.

76 Part II: Starting at the Top

Who’s watching who?

Some people find establishing and maintaining

eye contact difficult and avert their eyes when

speaking. Others bore into their listeners with

piercing eyes. Because of the connective qual-

ity of the eyes – the gateway to the soul as the

saying goes – it can be hard to gauge the other

person if she refuses to meet your eye.

Research shows that when Westerners inter-

act, they look at one another on average 61 per

cent of the time. The speaker looks at the lis-

tener between 40–60 per cent of the time, and

the listener looks at the speaker approximately

75 per cent of the time. People spend approxi-

mately 31 per cent of their time mutual gazing.

What this tells you is that if someone looks at

you more or less than usual, something’s going

on that’s impacting her response.

The average gaze for an individual lasts 2.95

seconds and the average mutual gaze is 1.8

seconds. However, in Japan, the Middle East,

and some Asian and South American cultures,

prolonged eye contact is perceived as hostile or

discourteous.