DECIDING TO LET GO OF THE DREAM

Do we recommend taking this route? Our answer is—“It depends.” If
you’re in an ongoing relationship riddled with intimacy clashes that you
have not been able to resolve, and yet you want to remain in the bond
for whatever reason, then yes, this is the only way to live in relative
peace. Your satisfaction level in the relationship will be lower than that
of people who don’t experience such battles. But it will also be higher
than that of people who choose to relive these fights day in and day out
without ever accepting that they are about fundamental differences that
aren’t going to go away.
If, however, you’re in a relatively new or uncommitted relationship
and are already experiencing a lot of intimacy collisions, we advise
you to think long and hard about whether you want to make so many
concessions in order to be with this person. There is a major
difference between couples who are dealing with non-attachment-
related issues and those who are engaged in intimacy struggles. While
the first couples want to find a common ground and reach a resolution
that will bring them closer together, the latter either engage in ongoing,
irreconcilable fights or one of the two is forced to compromise
unilaterally in areas that are near and dear to him or her.
But there’s more. This attachment collision can go from bad to
worse. The next chapter depicts how intimacy clashes can get out of
hand, what it takes to recognize the situation, and most important, how
to leave it behind.