In Chapter 3 I described how we might be associated, engaged in
what we are saying and thinking by experiencing situations
standing our own shoes. In this state we are connected with our
feelings. Or we can be dissociated, observing and listening to
events as if we are a fly on the wall. In this latter state we are
disconnected from our emotions.
Our body language changes dramatically according to which
of these states we are in. In meetings it is easy to detect those
people who are in an associated state. They usually lean forward
and gesture animatedly to show their feelings. They often
interrupt as their emotions rule their actions. When talking
about their feelings, they hold their hands to their chest close to
their heart. In contrast, someone who is dissociated is usually
sitting or leaning back. By putting some distance between
themselves and the situation they keep themselves objective.
They do this mentally as they do it physically. When dissociated
they often talk about themselves and point to themselves as if
to an imaginary self in the air in front of them (which in their
thinking is often how it is). Try selling to someone who stays in a
dissociated state and you will probably find that it is hard if not
impossible. For most people the decision to buy is associated
with a feeling. The skill in this kind of influencing situation lies in
knowing how to achieve that and recognizing when you have it.
The ease or tension we hold in our body is an expression of the
way we are thinking. Think for a moment about something you
must or should do today. Notice what happens in your body as
you do this. Now think about something you would really like to
do. Imagine yourself doing this. Notice what has happened to
your body. How are your shoulders, your neck, and your back?
Can you tell what expression you have on your face?
When we think in terms of problems or what we don’t want
in our lives we concentrate on what we want to move away
from. This kind of motivation is often based on moving away
from pain or discomfort. Consequently, the body language we
demonstrate when thinking this way is one of tension. In this
problem state we are likely to frown, hold our shoulders tense
and hunched, and show tension in other parts of our body. Not
surprisingly, one of the most common reasons for absence from
work is back problems. What do you think that says about how
THINKING WITH YOUR BODY 71BODY POSTURE AND
MOVEMENT
Tr y selling to someone in a
dissociated state!