The Dating Black book

(Dana P.) #1
© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
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it to work. If she hasn’t asked you, she still has doubts about you or the relationship that need to
be cleared up before she will go exclusive.
If you do ask her, you run the risk of rushing things, as well as coming across as needy.
You will also be the one telling her how you feel (removing mystery) before she has. And, as a
result, you’ll always wonder what her interest level really is in you.
Don’t become exclusive with a woman just because you don’t want her seeing
other people. Your jealousy or insecurity should not be a factor, since your decision will mean
that you must date only her as well. Again, this is a case of settling instead of keeping your
options open.
Let her ask you to go exclusive first. A highly interested and attracted woman will not
want to let a good catch go, so she will eventually ask for exclusivity. If she doesn’t, she’s not
interested enough yet.


Relationship Maintenance Program .................................................................................................


To keep a relationship going long-term, you need to attend to it, the same way you keep
a plant healthy or a car running smooth and trouble-free. I subscribe to the HMO theory of life,
and that is if you take small maintenance steps along the way, you can avoid larger problems
down the road.
Let’s be very clear on one point: Relationships take work. It takes a mature and strong
dynamic between two people to make it last and be enjoyable. Most men and women treat
marriage as some kind of crowning glory – once you slip the ring on they can now relax and
stop putting any effort in. Everything’s all locked up.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Here are some of the things you’ll need to maintain over time if you want to keep your
relationship fresh and enduring:


 Never drop your guard
o I hate to be the bearer of this news, but many guys use effective
strategies, build up their character through use of the Three S’s, and as
soon as they land a girlfriend, they turn into complete wimps.
Until the end of your days with a woman, you must uphold the principles
of the Three S’s – Self-confidence, Self-discipline, and Sense of humor.
These are not optional lures you use just to get a woman to sleep with
you or to want to be your girlfriend or wife. They are not electives you can
use when you feel you need to. These are time-tested enduring qualities
of character for a man. You will have to be a challenge to the woman in
your life for the rest of your days, or she will gradually lose interest in you.
You see this all the time in marriages where the couple gets lazy and
feels they can now “be themselves.” What this really means is that they
let a relationship become their cushion for their self-esteem. They cease
being two independent, confident people and become an
indistinguishable unit. There’s a difference between growing together and
merging. I know, there are all those relationship counselors that tell you
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