© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.Understanding this will help you when you feel yourself being drawn into the same kind
of gambit that poor Frank was. Here’s the way that conversation should have gone:
Most of what Yolanda was saying was just “thinking out loud.” She wasn’t serious about
any of it, really. She just wanted to make some interesting and dramatic talk. Frank learned that
his best approach was just to ask questions and get her to talk more. Yolanda wanted nothing
more than to feel heard, not to solve any dilemma about her major. She did not need guidance
or correction. (And did you notice how Frank threw in the humor at the end? A little teasing for
Yolanda, and extra points for Frank.)
You’d be surprised just how many men engage in conversation with women as you saw
in the earlier example, ruining their opportunities with women because they can’t stop
themselves from giving advice – or worse, bragging. Once you get her feeling angry or hurt,
you’ve got an uphill battle.
If you need to be appreciated for your fix-it ability, open a garage. Dating and women are
the last place you should be looking to be a know-it-all. The more you can let go of your ego, the
better off you’ll be.
You don’t have to talk like a woman to communicate with them, and all this requires is
letting go of your need to control and dominate when you talk. She’s talking for talk, and you
can, too.
QUESTIONS.............................................................................................................................................
You will be tripped up by a woman’s question at some point or another, and chances are
it’s already happened enough where you’re nodding your head in bitter acknowledgment as you
read this. Women love to ask us questions that put us on the spot. Almost none of them really
need to be answered.
Deflection or evasion with humor is another important concept. Women will ask you
questions all the time. As a general rule, you never answer a woman’s questions directly until
you are sure you know what they are really asking you. Most of her questions will be probes and
will even intentionally provoke you on occasion. You must use some self-discipline to insert that
pause between stimulus and response so that you do not get misled. I have added an appendix
of how to answer these questions. I suggest you memorize them and make them your own.
Many of the questions women ask are tests:
- Do you think she’s pretty? / prettier than me?
Yolanda: “I’m thinking about taking a course in astrology next year.”
Frank: “Astrology, huh? That’s sounds different.”
Yolanda: (shrugging) “I’m not sure about it yet. I was even thinking about going into marketing.”
Frank: (widens his eyes) “Marketing? Wow. What interests you about that?”
Yolanda: “Well, I don’t know. I like the part about finding target markets for products, and the
research. I think I could be good at that.”
Frank: (nodding) “I’m sure you’d be great at it. Especially with your talent for numbers.”
Yolanda: (smiling) “Thanks! But, you know, since my major is already in accounting, I’d better stick to
that, don’t you think?”
Frank: (smirking) “I think you should mix astrology with marketing. You could forecast your ad plans
based on their sign. Or you could be an accountant for an astrologer.” (winks.)