© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.about the rules of the game, and suddenly you’re knowledgeable. You feel some confidence
playing in the office pool and Monday-morning quarterbacking. Once you knew enough
information and acquired enough experience, it felt natural to you. Heck, you’d even go out and
play a game of touch football for fun.
Now, imagine taking that kind of cocky self-confidence and applying it to dating. You
learn the essentials – the rules. You observe the players – your wingmen and other couples.
You try out a few plays of your own. You fumble a few times at first, but eventually it becomes
just as natural. The only difference is that the experience has lost the intimidation it once had
because you now have understanding that bred self-confidence.
By the way, you actually have an advantage over the Natural. While he’s out there
without the intimidation or a lot of the fear, he doesn’t have the schooling you’re about to get in
this program, which means he’s working based on trial and error. You’ll have more information
to start, and as you get more experience, you’ll gain the same sense of self-confidence.
The Myth of “Compatibility”.................................................................................................................
What is compatibility, anyway? Women and men usually think of compatibility as being
the requirement of long-term common interests and behaviors that keep a couple together. This
is really only partly true.
Compatibility is a logical perception of the reasons you stay with one person instead of
another over a period of time.
It’s like a person who’s bought on impulse, and now wants to avoid the feelings of
buyer’s remorse. What do they do? They find a way to justify their purchase.
Let’s be clear about this: No one stays with another person because their rational mind
says, “Hey! We should work and keep this relationship because we’re compatible! I’m staying!”
Couples stay together for one of two reasons:
- They are attracted to each other on a deep level that neither person can walk away
from. (The primary cause of many unhealthy relationships, too.)
Or - They settle and get comfortable with someone who gives them enough reason to
stick around without annoying them enough to want to leave.
Look at all the couples out there, married or otherwise, that you know and see each day.
How many times have you asked, “What the hell do they see in each other?” You see tall
women and short men, smokers and non-smokers, vegetarians and carnivores, high-strung and
laid-back. All kinds of people come together, and not for the overly simplistic reason that
“opposites attract.” They are together because their attraction is strong (almost always because
of the qualities and traits I will coach here), and because they meet the other person’s needs.
Keep in mind, opposites do attract, but only temporarily. For true opposites to stay
together, they must have enough similarities to keep them bonded. There is also another fable,
that you should be looking for someone exactly like you to be compatible. This will also fail,
since a relationship needs a dynamic of differences to keep it from stagnating.
Idealistically, you want someone that meets a list of required criteria (such as the one I
will instruct you to build) as well as attracts you on a gut level. Realistically, most people find