In fact, they are often willing to walk away from it. They distance themselves from
people they don’t like, and they are unafraid to take risks.
Why is this?
I believe it is because confident people supply their own sense of validation. They don’t
need others to feel good about themselves. They have such an amazing set of beliefs and
see the world from such a position of strength and security that they aren’t afraid to lose
something they want in order to have something they feel they deserve.
This is the concept of Self Validation.
But it’s not the people with confidence this section is meant to address, since people who
have confidence have very little problems in getting what they want.
No, I mean to address people who DON’T have confidence. People who have yet to
strengthen their “inner game.”
I’ve gotten so many emails from guys looking for advice, trying desperately to figure out
what’s wrong with them and how to feel better about their lives. I know, because I used
to be one of those guys (and still am in certain respects).
Let’s take one of these guys as an example.
Let’s say Joe Blow is an unconfident guy who’s lonely. He doesn’t have a girlfriend, or
any girl “friends,” and few guy friends for that matter. He hardly ever leaves his house,
except maybe to go to work, and he spends most of his time surfing the internet looking
for a way to fix his life, which he feels is the most pathetic thing on the planet.
Then, one day, through some stroke of luck where the Gods smiled upon him, he meets a
girl and she agrees to get together with him again (like, on a date! Gasp!)
So Joe Blow is excited, but fearful as well. He believes that it was a complete fluke that
this sexy girl would agree to date him, and he doubts his luck would hold out for long.
So he nervously tries to figure out what to do with this girl now that he’s got her. He
wants to please her, he wants to keep her, but most of all he wants one thing and one
thing only – to stop feeling so anxious.
Instantly, every possible worst-case scenario runs through his head. What if she doesn’t
like the restaurant? What if she calls and cancels? What if everything goes great and
he’s so nervous that he’s lousy in bed? No matter what, she’s going to discover what a
big LOSER he is.
All this is happening because Joe Blow completely and utterly lacks confidence.
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