Chapter 2: Some Basic Assumptions of NLP 25
wishing change on other people is easier, and you get to enjoy all the angst
from thinking those horrible thoughts about someone else!Remember that not everyone has your internal resources; the very fact that
you’re reading this book means that you’re showing initiative in making
changes in your life. We suggest that you’re going to expend a lot less energy
in changing yourself than struggling to have other people conform to your
ideals.If you accept this NLP presupposition, you recognise that changing tactics is
better than continuing to beat your head against a wall or spending your time
lamenting your misfortune. Still, before you can actually change your tactics
or do something different, you need to understand more about your present
situation.So why is what you’re doing not working? Didn’t you communicate exactly
what you want? Perhaps the other person hasn’t discovered the necessary
resources to help you achieve your outcome. What can you do differently to
get the desired results?For instance, if you aren’t getting all the hugs you feel you want, perhaps you
need to come right out and tell your partner that you like hugs. Remember
that positive feedback works brilliantly, and so when your partner does make
physical overtures make sure that you clearly demonstrate your appreciation
of the contact.Patricia was a student who learned best through feeling and touch. This
tendency meant that she had difficulty in following standard ‘chalk-and-talk’
lessons, which are more suited to people who like to see a screen and hear
a teacher talk. As a result, Patricia was having difficulty staying on top of her
classwork and wasn’t reaching her potential.
A less talented teacher may have placed the blame on Patricia and branded
her as stupid or having a bad attitude to her studies. Fortunately her teacher
recognised that Patricia needed to be shown how to study and how to apply
the lessons in a more practical way. Patricia was lucky that her teacher
understood the reason for her problems and took the responsibility to do
something different by adjusting her teaching methods to help Patricia do
well. Patricia’s teacher was a good one: she was flexible and took responsibil-
ity for the effectiveness of her teaching. Instead of blaming Patricia for her
inability to learn, Patricia’s teacher found another way to reach her.