SEVEN Your wife needs you to promote her talents and gifts
Study her; learn her aptitudes and talents then encourage her to fulfill her
ambitions with these in mind. Make provision and time for her to nurture
her dreams as they flow into the stream of your own river of destiny. Applaud
her responsibilities and find ways to expand them within reasonable limits, so
that she can visualize a future value for what she is presently doing. If she is a
good seamstress, buy her the best machine you can afford. If she wants to
learn, make a way for her education. If she has a sound aptitude for business
or administration, seek a way for her so she may enter that world under the
guidance of your watchful eye. Make it a point to demonstrate your approval
and authority in the matter in the presence of her friends, family, and
associates; so that all may observe she is clearly under your wing. In this way,
both she and they will feel secure.
You must be her chief management consultant, even if she is in an area
beyond your expertise. She needs your guidance not in the affairs of her
business, but as a rod of governance in her affairs with other people in order to
protect her from overstepping the bounds of reason and her own limitations.
Make certain that her ambitions complement your marriage as a prime
priority, so that the Cause of God given to your domain remains administered
by you and none other.
Conclusion
If your wife is to graciously submit to your guidance and perfect your
manhood, you also must submit yourself to the tasks of fulfilling her needs.
Meeting these basic needs is your chief responsibility as her husband and is
also the essence of adab of justice as her Imam and Wali, which is the true
meaning of the Prophet’s command to treat your wives with justice! So stop
counting the money you spend and weigh your knowledge of her instead. If
you lack the contemplative capacity to administer this justice, you are not
qualified for polygamous leadership though you have wealth enough to
provide sustenance for several wives. Most men cannot do what is described
above for one wife. This lack of husbandly prudence is a chief reason that
monogamy is the accepted and promoted norm, and also why illicit sex is a
common outlet for the polygamous proclivity of most males. Customarily,
men do not want to be bothered with relationship at this level because it’s too
much work, and today’s boy-men would much rather play games.