7 Young Adulthood 177because she had known her late husband since childhood and lived in the
same town as her in-laws. Her loyalty to her late husband’s parents was
almost as weighty as toward her deceased husband. However, she began
resolving some of her conflicts when she began to emotionally relocate her
late husband’s “memory in a place where it is accessible to her” while also
integrating the memory into her budding new relationship (Walter, 2003,
p. 45). This ability to stay connected to the memories of the deceased while
forging a new life resonates with the continuing bonds framework (Klass,
Silverman, & Nickman, 1996).
DEATH Of A NONMARRIED PARTNER. The largest growing group of romantic part-
ners in both young adulthood and later adulthood are nonmarried partners
(Walter, 2003). It is striking to us that since our first edition was published in
2009, there is still little literature available on the death of a cohabiting partner,
whether heterosexual or same sex. Although the presence of social support is
one of the most critical factors in the healing process after a death, partners
involved in nonmarital relationships “are less likely than other groups to have
this support, either at the time of death or for a period of time following the
death” (Walter, 2003, p. 87). Nonmarried partners lack legal protections for the
relationship and involvement with funeral planning, inclusion in inheritance,
and decisions about the place of residence can all be quite complicated for
cohabiting unmarried couples after a death. This lack of legal recognition for
the relationship makes unmarried couples of all orientations similar in the bar-
riers they navigate after a partner’s death.
Although norms are changing rapidly, there is still limited validation by
our society for same-sex relationships and bereaved gay and lesbian partners
may still have limited recognition and support after their partner’s death.
When gay men and women are “out,” they are more likely to have a network of
supportive friends and family who help them during bereavement (Shernoff,
1998; Walter, 2003), and they may be more likely to have married and have the
legal protections granted in the states with same sex marriage. As gay relation-
ships become more widely known and accepted, particularly in the younger
generations, we expect that the bereaved will receive more support, yet may
still struggle with the “off-time loss” aspects of losing a partner during young
adulthood.
Hornjatkevyc and Alderson (2011) found that the bereavement of gay
men is more similar to straight widowers than different. Their grief is focused
on life with the partner and life without the partner, just as straight widowers
tend to focus in that way. Development of the continuing bond is important to
each group. Following deaths caused by AIDS (thankfully a much less com-
mon experience than in the past), the deceased partner experiences additional
stresses (Walter, 2003). The surviving partner may face the demands of coping
with his own infection as well as the burden of losing his loved one through
illness. Ironically, in gay partnerships, community members often attributed
deaths to AIDS even when the cause of death was due to cancer or some other
disease, and this can lead to stigma and concern that distracts from grieving
(Hornjatkevyc & Alderson, 2011).
Lesbian partners may lead a double life as they work “among the
heterosexual majority but develop hidden networks of support, activity, and