wellness
46 CalmMoment.com
Research tells us that a large proportion of
people who are anxiously attached tend to
fall in love with someone who shows signs of
avoidant attachment. This is a common
situation, but it can lead to couples
inadvertently aggravating their partner’s
insecurities or constantly triggering each
other. This, in turn, can result in both parties
polarising, despite loving and caring for
each other.
“It’s like having an Apple Mac talking to a
PC,” Pam explains. “Files are sent across and
both systems can read those files without
any problem most of the time. However,
when there is a complex file being sent, there
may be more difficulty in opening and
processing it.”
If we take the time to comprehend our
attachment style and that of our partner, we
can accept we operate in different ways
emotionally. Having this knowledge of each
other is important for creating a healthier
approach to solving problems. It is only when
we reach this stage of understanding that
progressive and positive conversations can
go ahead, without potentially sending our
partner into ‘fight or flight’ mode.
According to The School of Life, those of
us who fall into avoidant attachment may
find it valuable to recognise just how much
we ‘check out’ emotionally when things are
intense, and how difficult that can be for an
anxiously attached partner to comprehend.