There
are few
things less
motivating
than a boss
who shoots
down
your ideas
because
they are
threatened
by them.
SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS
nice. I think creating an environment
where people can bring their whole selves
to work will become the single greatest X-
factor for success that certain companies
will ultimately have.”
Carnevale agrees but warns that being
overly buddy-buddy can create an atmo-
sphere that is too casual, especially if you
are in a leadership role. “I crack jokes in my
class all the time, and I sometimes get wor-
ried that students think that they can come
in late now because the professor is easy-
going. So you have to think about limits
when using humor in your leadership style
so that it doesn’t lead to deviant behavior.”
Michael Scott has done and said some
pretty crazy things, but at the end of the
day, he is good-hearted and extremely lik-
able. But what if you’re dealing with some-
one who isn’t quite so lovable? “Some of
my work shows that these Michael Scott
type of bosses can become ‘emotional
vampires.’ They drain others of their en-
ergy because they need a lot of attention
and admiration,” says Carnevale. In that
case, he says, it is extremely important to
set boundaries: “If you’re chatting and it
gets too personal—they start telling you
about family problems or the wart they
have on their big toe—then you need to
swing the conversation back to something
work-related.”
Boundaries also need to be set for
after-work team drinks or bowling when
the invitations seem to come on a daily or
hourly basis. Be simple and be direct if an
event is not your thing, advises Schiefel-
bein. “Just say to your boss, ‘I appreciate
that you want to bring us all together, but
tonight I need to go home to spend time
with my family.’ ”The lazy co-worker
unfortunately, the kid in middle
school who did zilch on your group project
and glommed onto your A+ grew up and
wound up sitting in the desk across from
you. How do you deal with co- workers who
aren’t pulling their weight without turning
into a boss-blabbing narc?
Before you launch into your best im-personation of the drill sergeant from Full
Metal Jacket who promises to do horrible
things to Private Pyle if he doesn’t get his
stuff together, Griffith suggests remember-
ing that just like you, everyone has a lot of
stuff going on outside the walls of your of-
fice. What you perceive as laziness might
be something else entirely. “You’ve got
people who have a mentally ill sibling or a
loved one battling addiction or are in the
midst of a divorce, so we need to give peo-
ple the benefit of the doubt. I would start
by saying, ‘I notice you’re struggling and I
want to help. I’m personally committed to
supporting you.’ ” Making a simple human
connection and letting someone know that
you care can be all that is needed to re-
engage a person who has drifted. Often-
times, Carnevale notes, someone who is
operating in a personal fog doesn’t realize
the picture of themselves that they are dis-
playing to others.
But sometimes the issue isn’t quite as
dramatic—it could be that this lackluster
person is simply bored to death. If you’re
a manager, says Schiefelbein, it’s on you to
show people how their piece of the puzzle
fits into the whole scene. “Studies show
Gen Z, millennials and even Gen Xers want
to know that their work is part of a bigger
purpose and a bigger picture,” he explains.
“We want to see where we fit within an or-
ganization. So if you can tie something that
someone’s doing into the bigger picture,
that can be a great motivator.”The threatened boss
narcissists and power can be a dan-
gerous mix. Or at the very least, an irritat-
ing mix. There are few things less motivat-
ing than a boss who shoots down all of your
ideas because they are clearly threatened
by them. How do you deal with that? Loop
them in, says Carnevale: “Asking these nar-
cissistic leaders for their help on creative
projects can actually lessen the likelihood
that they are going to engage in these toxic
behaviors.” Deferring to them may help
satisfy their need for superiority, he says,
and that simple ego stroke not only can
clear the path for you to pursue your idea;