New York Magazine - USA (2020-03-30)

march30–april12, 2020 | newyork 47

H:My apartmentstillexists.My cat is

here,though.

J:Wewere planningonmovinginon

June1. Thebiggestthingthat’scomingup

is tryingtokeepourindividualschedules

butbetogetherat thesametime.When

you’re livingseparately,youcometogether

andgoona date.There’stimetogether,

andtimeaway fromeachother. We’re

alwaystogethernow. We’retryingtofigure

outhowtomakeourownspace.

H:Heworksa nine-to-fivejob.I’mpur-

suing a job in entertainment, and I’m a

server so now I’m unemployed. I’m always

free during the day, and he’s always at work

during the day. There is a little anxiety

comingup,’causewhenweare together,

wefeellikeit shouldbethisspecial,excit-

ingthing.Nowthat we’reseeingeachother

allthetime,it’ s like,OhmyGod,I needmy

ownspace,andI’msupersensitiveright

now.I’malwaysat a 10.IfJakesays,“I

needtoshutmyselfintheoffice,”I’mlike,

“What doI do?!”

J:Most ofmy jobis doneviaphone.I get

distractedwantingtohavea conversation

withherandwantingtohangoutwithher.

ButI havetogetworkdone.Andshesays,

“J ust tell me when you need me to leave.”

And when I finally told her, well, I do need

you to leave, she got upset even though I

said exactly what she told me to say.

H:I’vebeenfeelingoverwhelmed by the

freetime.It kindofremindsme of when

I wasgrowingupandI would take things

outonmymom.I knewmy mom loved

meandwouldforgiveme,soI would be a

brat.IfI getoverwhelmednow, I take it

outonJake.

➼O.G.’SADVICE:Oneof the things

thatfeedsdesire is lack(seeLacan). The

quarantinerobscouplesofmissing each

otherandge ttingtoexperience each oth-

er’sabsence;thisgetsintheway of desire.

So really take time apart. I’m not talking

about just an hour—a full day, a day and

night apart. Take the chance to center

yourself and to miss the other person. ■

Illustration by Ben Giles