unlikely Aidan will look into Dad’s eyes and coo, “Great parenting style,
Dad.” No, he will probably be kicking and screaming like a banshee.
Everybody in Burger King will be watching every move Dad makes as he
hauls this wild, flailing kid out the door. Let them watch. First, the people
in the restaurant aren’t saying to themselves, Look what a bad parent that
guy is. They’re thinking, Thank goodness that’s not my kid. Now I can eat
in peace. Second, parents of six-year-olds don’t go into a place like
Burger King to build lasting relationships with the other people dining
there, so who cares what they think? And third, teaching a child
responsibility is not a free ride. We must steel ourselves for resistance
and opposition. There’s a price we must pay.
Keep the Parental Trap Buttoned
To ensure that Aidan has a learning experience from this incident, his
mom and dad must remember one thing: to keep their mouths shut. Save
the words for happy times. Again, Love and Logic parents have a limited
vocabulary. The only time to reason with a child is when both parties are
happy. Parents who enforce the consequences for their child with their
mouths moving strip the consequences of their value. Allow the
consequences to do the teaching.
Carrying the kicking and screaming Aidan out the restaurant door, Dad
would then put him very gently in the car and drive off, all the while
keeping mum about the incident. Before the evening is over, Aidan will
probably say something very intelligent: “I’m hungry.” When he says it,
Dad should stifle the temptation to get angry and say, “Sure, you’re
hungry. I try to tell you these things, but you never listen. That’ll teach
you to eat your hamburger in the restaurant.” Such a response only
engenders more antagonism and resistance in the child.
Dad should administer the consequences with a compassionate sadness.
For example: “Oh, for sure, son. That’s what happens to me when I miss
my dinner. I’ll bet you’ll be anxious for breakfast. Don’t worry — we’ll
cook a good one.” Without doubt, Aidan will learn more from this
response than from anger and threats. Sorrow and consequences and an
arm around his shoulder are powerful teaching agents.